Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
