Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
