I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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