well he's currently spooning the coffee table
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
