THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
