i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize
