I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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