if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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