I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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