Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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