Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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