Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
