a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
