dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
