STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
