I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
