I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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