I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
