I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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