I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
