can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
