so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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