Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
