it hurts more in the daytime
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
