like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
