She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
