just tell him i said nine months
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
