Everything about him screamed your future.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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