is your mom at the bar?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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