its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
