I hate your face
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
