piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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