You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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