Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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