six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
