I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
