i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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