My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
