I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just had sex on a roof
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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