Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
