my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
