8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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