The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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