she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
