Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
