If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
