Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
