remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
