So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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