I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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