I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
