I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We have so much sex to catch up on
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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