I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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