Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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